Saturday, March 20, 2010

The real reason you are late for work

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Wucha thinkin about?

My eyes! Dear God.....

Two wenches

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Just pretend to be asleep.

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Fap Fap Fap.....

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Friday, March 19, 2010

Origami Guide

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Things I did not think through #184

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Pigeon Courtship

Click to embiggen.

Fisticuffs Guild

Love it.

Clean me up, Scotty.

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Don't smoke tea. Drink Cigarettes.

EEEWWWWWWW.

Endearing versus creepy

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Religion: Treat it like it's your genitalia.

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Cat Chatroulette

Even the cats are getting their bits out.

Crying prevention

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Thursday, March 18, 2010

Embedded Fleshlight

So instead of a flashlight-style device, you get to hump the head of a tiny creature? Classy.
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No trauma for Bill

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How the Golden Girls should've ended.

According to my fave gossip blog (dlisted.com) when Rue McClanahan recently had a stroke, Betty White sent her a message saying "hurry up and die already, I want to be the last Golden Girl". Awesome.
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Sign of a great party

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Scissors cuts Paper

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Mail Order Brides

I don't know - I think this one is pretty cute.
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Sly little bear

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A new Stephenie Meyer book

Or maybe they just made a single book out of all the others.
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Bondage Chick

The padlock is a nice touch.
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Life is like a kernel of corn....

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Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Scratcher or torture device?

What. The. Deuce?
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Good advice

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Pinata Revenge

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Necrocard

To quote an old Australian comedy group "Rigor Mortis makes me hard."
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Toast appears on Jesus

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Don't Kanye me....

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Pug Factory

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People pleaser

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Say it out loud.

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Have a happy period!

This is supposed to be an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It’s PC Magazine’s 2007 editors’ choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from ‘the curse’? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call ‘an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.’ Isn’t the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer’s monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo’. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the viole nt urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants… Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: ‘Have a Happy Period.’

Are you f——— kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything ‘happy’ about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like ‘Put down the Hammer’ or ‘Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong’, or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that’s a promise I will keep.

Always. . .
Wendi Aarons
Austin , T X
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Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Derp, derp, derp.

Pic via.

Just to clarify....

Click to embiggen.
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I'll call her right back....

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Just one question?

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I love the smell of napalm in the morning....

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Keep calm and carry on.....

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Creepy album amalgam

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I'm not feeling anything.....

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Murder!

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And don't call me Shirley.

Click to embiggen.
One of my favourite lines in one of my favourite movies.
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Apple iGoatse

I wonder what Steve Jobs thinks?!?!
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Wow, they're good.

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