Saturday, February 16, 2008

Peter F*cking Russell F*cking Clark

F*cking Brilliant.

The Pleasure Box

I attended/co-hosted a Pleasure Box party last night - AKA Fuckerware.

Excellent fun.

Can't wait for my package to arrive!

I didn't get the nipple clamps or the glass dildo, but there is always next time.

To see their range, make clicky here.

These stupid things I have done.....

I have been thinking a lot this week about stupid things I have done, starting mid 1989 when I sent a perfume-soaked heartfelt love letter to Cameron Smith and became the laughing stock of Edenhope High School for several decades. Or about a week. Not sure which.

And lets not forget (God knows I never will) the News Year Eve party in 1997 where I drank my own body weight in Cock Sucking Cowgirls, made in cream cheese glasses. Did you know cream cheese glasses hold a LOT more than shot glasses? Well after consuming said Cowgirls, I confessed my undying love for SH* and then proceeded to projectile vomit all over Mrs Conlon's dining room, in front of all the cool kids. I still haven't lived that one down in certain circles.

There are many aspects of my "love life" (and I use that term loosely) which could be put in this same category. Some more recent than others, some more stupid than others.

What's most sad is that you would think I would learn from my mistakes.

If I could turn back time indeed. That Cher is a wise, wise woman.

*Name omitted for legal reasons.

Friday, February 15, 2008

From The Daily Show Newsletter:

HYBRIDIZATION IN THE UKAfter a lengthy debate among members of the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA), Britain's fertility regulator said Thursday it would allow scientists to create human-animal hybrid embryos for research. While the decision does provoke obvious ethical questions, scientists considered it less controversial than the suggested alternative of stealing embryos from werewolves. Researchers want to produce hybrids that are 99.9 percent human and 0.1 percent animal, which coincidentally, was what fellow Statistics club members called me back at Black Horse Pike Regional high school. Just be thankful Vis-à-vis pens weren't around back then, or I could have done some serious damage. John Smeaton, national director of the Society of the Protection of Unborn Children, said the decision was creating "sub-human" slaves, and was a "disastrous setback for human dignity." Though Smeaton did have to admit that it was "an incredible boost for animal dignity." He added, "I mean, with all the shit eating and running around naked, they haven't really had any dignity until now. Except maybe lions."


Drink Apple Juice. OJ will kill you.

Reports have been circulating for the last couple of days that OJ Simpson's girlfriend has been admitted to hospital with serious injuries after a "fall". Christine Prody, who has been dating OJ on and off since 1999, has a significant head injury after supposedly falling at a gas station in Miami.
I have some questions:
1. First, is it just me, or is she a dead-ringer (no pun intended) for Nicole Brown-Simpson.
2. Why, oh why, would you date OJ Simpson?
3. Where was OJ when Christine had this "fall"?
5. Will someone PLEASE put this man in jail?!? I don't really care why. Armed robbery, threatening witnesses, murder, general bastardry. Surely some charge has to stick.
As my favourite T-Shirt says "Drink Apple Juice. OJ Will Kill You". Buy one just like mine here.

10 Sleeps to go....

10 Sleeps to go....

10 Sleeps to go....

10 Sleeps to go....

10 Sleeps to go....

Until my favourite day of the year - THE OSCARS!!!!!


I was going to totally crack the poos if the WGA strike had affected the ceremony, but now that is over (as of this week) I can relax and prepare for the show.
I have my formal dress and Wonder Woman Tiara ready.....

Thursday, February 14, 2008

And the award for procrastinator of the year goes to.....

Yep, me.

Uni starts back next week and have done maybe one tenth of the things I intended to do over the break. I kept putting things off because "I still have time".

Now I want to read three books, organise my life and teach myself to knit. Today.

That's practical.


Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Monday, February 11, 2008

Life lessons

It's funny how sometimes you have an experience that teaches you some thing about yourself. I guess I try to learn something from every experience, but sometimes a particular experience will stay with you for a while.

These are just a few of the lessons I have learnt about myself in the last couple of weeks:

1. I'm way too trusting of other people. I think I knew that already, but it has been rammed home of late. I let someone lie to me repeatedly and chose to ignore it.

2. Trust the pit crew. I have a core group of friends who I turn to for support and advice. The pit crew. They get me physically and emotionally ready for the world. Some of them are new to the crew, some have been around for decades. All of them have my best interest at heart. ALL of them gave me the same advice, and I ignored it. I'm sorry, I won't do it agian.

3. I'm not studying criminology for nothing. To cut a long story short, I was conversing with someone who had not told me many details about themselves. I had a revelation late one night, and looked online with the information I did have - first name, nickname, job, hobby. Success. I even found a picture. One of my most satisfying moments ever was meeting, and seeing that I had indeed found him online. This is the best lesson of them all - don't fuck with me, coz I will find you online.

Onwards and upwards.


It is comics like this that make life worth living.

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