Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Marks Family X-mess

Here are some pics from our lover-ly day yesterday.

My cousin Rhys and presents.
Rhys and presents.
Cousin Patrick opening his guitar.
The shrine to the currently travelling Amy (A. Lew). Note the items of significance.

Emma (FEMBOTanist) with Rhys after Patrick painted him with the face paint we gave him.

Engrish Soap Crayons

Mum seems to have an uncanny knack for finding excellent Engrish items - I suspect it stems from her refusal to shop in anything other than op shops and $2 shops.

Well I noticed today as I was looking at the stocking fillers I need to wrap for the kiddies we didn't see yesterday that one of the items, some soap crayons for the bath, had a big white sticker over the instructions.

I could smell the Engrish oozing out from under that sticker. And sure enough....
This is what it says: (all spelling and punctuation as in original)


Use it under the guardian,don't use on bathbed, otherwise,it's risk of accidents, such as falling down,hurt.

It's risk of suffocation, don't eat the wrapper, don't use under 3 years.

To rinse with water at once if spray into eyes.

Please stop use it if feeling allergic,and ask for the doctor if feeling unwell.

Don't eat it,apart from children.

Please rinse with water at once after daubbing. Don't keep it on skin for long time.

Use it lightly.


This product is easy to dissolve, keep it where it is dry, atnormal temperature, shady and cool.

This product is easy toadhere to the porous stuff,such as wood, Concrete;marble;color is easy to diffues ,please take care.

In case the chine-brick is dyed by it, you can rinse with the bleaching agent.

In case the cloth is dyed by it, you can rinse with washing powder.Don't use outside the bathroom,please.

When it is dry and will become sticky,you can add some water.

The packing label may be dyed bysoap, while there is no quality problem. Please put it on blister when open.

Please don,t use the demaged & out of shape blister in case an accident happens."


Saturday, December 23, 2006

Movie Review: Casino Royale

Yes, I actually left the house. Bizarre I know.

So last night I saw Casino Royale - my first ever experience with a complete James Bond movie. I know all the pop-culture bits out of the Bond movies, but I had never sat through a whole one.

And I must say, I loved it! I was a bit ambivalent about Daniel Craig before I saw him, but now I am in love!! He played Bond as much more flawed than previous Bonds, and it makes him seem more human, less super-hero. And My GOD that man is sexy.
The action was fantastic - one of the first scenes was a fantastic action sequence that went for probably 10 minutes and was filled with breath-taking stunts - running up the side of a construction site, jumping from beam to beam, hundreds of feet off the ground. It looked really cool.
The Bond car was devine - the gadgets included his own defibrilator - everyone should have one!!

All the elements were present for a good Bond film - sexual tension, groovy action sequences, smart dialogue and cool gadgets.

The only time I was disappointed was towards the end, when the editor decided to let the work experience person do the editing - I suspect that it was meant to show changes over a period of time, but it just looked sloppy, as Bond would be kissing a girl wearing a plain green dress, and then she is wearing a floral dress, and then the location changed, all without any explaination.

But just as I was thinking it was all going to fizzle in the end, I was blown away once more, with the very end leaving me on an enormous high.

I really loved this movie and I thoroughly recommend it!!

Tuesday, December 12, 2006


Don't you love it when you solve a problem!

About two months ago the &*^#ing firewall here at work decided to block me from making blog entries - I could view my blog, but not make an entry.

Well I just found a way that lets me in!


Thursday, December 07, 2006

We're a funny bunch.

I have been thinking about nicknames recently. I don't know if it is an Aussie thing, or just a Lydia thing, but I have been thinking about pets and how we do not just give them names, but inevitably they get nicknames as well.

Now I know I have more pets than the rest of Melbourne put together, but let's just take a look at some of the names and nicknames in my house...

Cara - Full name Caramia, as in what Gomez calls Morticia. Registered name: Yotclub Calamity. Nicknames: Cuzz, Curraburra, Carbar, Carbunkle, Burra, Buzz, Houdini, Fuckhead.

Womble - Full name: Persephone Jane. Registered Name: Yotclub Cici
Nicknames: Womble (after I decided she looked like a womble), Womblina, Blina, Wom, Bleen.

Cordelia - Registered Name: Calpurnia Cordelia
Nicknames - Cordy, Deely, Fucking Cordelia, Bastard Face (the last two are often used as a pair ie "guess what Fucking Cordelia Bastard Face did").

Delilah - Registered Name: Calpurnia Delilah
Nicknames: Dee Dee, Delly Belly, Delly da Bell, Belly, Incontinentia.

Xena - Fullname: Xena Warrior Poodle
Nicknmes: Xeen, Xeeny, X Factor, Goober, Goobs, Pussycat dog.

Elvira - Fullname: Elvira Poodle of Darkness
Nicknames: LV, Bee Bee, Bee bee da bub, Bubba,

Rita - Registered Name: Calpurnia Rita Hayworth
Nicknames: Reet-reet, Rita the retard, ree-ree, Baby

Timmy - Registered Name: Calpurnia Tiny Tim
Nicknames: Timson, Mima, Mimi, Mim, Mista Tim.

Isis - Registered Name: Redsonnet Redrobin
Nicknames: I, I-woo, I-poo, I-pood, Icy woo, Icy.

Jedda - Registered Name: Yotclub Jedda at Midnight
Nicknames: Jed, Jebba, Jebediah Spingfield, Hans Sprungfeld

Max - Registered Name: Calpurnia Max Power
Nicknames: Maximus, Maxi-mouse, Maxi-moose, Aurilius Maximus, Naughtius Maximus, Max Power, Moose.

Daphne - Registered Name: Calpurnia Daphne Moon
Nicknames: Daffles, Daphne Boo, Boo, Daffleberry, Berryboo, Miss Moon, Destructo Twin.

Niles - Registered Name: Calpurnia Niles Crane
Nicknames: Smilesy Nilesy, Nilesy boy, Destructo Twin.

And I wonder why they don't come when I call them....

(They all also get their own songs, but I will discuss them in another post!)

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Party Plan Hell

About two years ago Sarah began a cycle of party plan type thingies - you know Tupperware, Undercover Wear, Lorraine Lea Linen, Giftware, Scrapbooking, Aromatherapy. I could seriously go on and on.

Well because I am a doofus with a soft spot for buying crap, I got caught up in all this, booking parties of my own and acquiring large amounts of unneccesary, overpriced, crap.

The major problem with these parties is you agree to buy more than you can reasonably afford, because the chicky says "it's ok, there's six weeks to pay". So even though I struggle from pay to pay, I agree to buy $300 worth of linen because I don't have to come up with the money for six weeks.

So of course as part of this, I had my own linen party. The money was meant to be in on the 10th of November. I had my money on the 10th of November. No one else did. I now do not have my money, and I only have about half of every one elses. I somehow have to get the order in asap, if for no other reason than I really want my new wool doona, just in time for summer.

God my life is weird.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Post Exam Euphoria

I had my first exam this morning and now I am trapped in a daze of post exam euphoria - either that or the red bull I drank had some extra speed in it.

It was my first exam for Charles Sturt, so it was my first time at the exam venue. The place I had to go was an Anglican church in Wandin, which is about 25 minutes from me - this makes a pleasant change from when I was studying at Monash and I had to go to Caulfield racecourse for my exams. The invigilators were very cute - a couple in their late 70's with the appropriate surname of Goodluck. They were devine "do you want a cup of tea? are you sure?". There was only one other person so it was all very personal and relaxed - much different to the exams I am used to!
The exam itself was fine - this was the Police studies exam, and it was pretty similar to the past exam I got from the Uni website, so I am not really concerned about it at all. Next week's one might very well be a doozy though - we have been receiving new study materials as recently as yesterday, when the exam is in 8 days and the lecturer seems very nit-picky on the discussion forum. She has said that she will be marking the exams and that she will be taking into account when the modules were sent out, but even that doesn't fill me with overwhelming confidence. I am normally much more relaxed about exams than about essays, but I think this one might get to me.
Oh well, 7 days to study, which also means 7 days to procrastinate about studying and 7 days to panic.
Let's roll!

Monday, November 13, 2006

My Psyche is very weird

I often have very bizarre, vivid dreams. The one this morning was a good example.
I dreamt that I was having triplets, which I gave birth to one night after work, and then just went back to work the next day. One of the triplets was stolen by a nurse in the hospital, but I decided to not worry about it, as two babies was enough anyway! I called them Tom and Grace and they were the same as Rohan (who is six months old). I remember that I left one with their father for the day, and one with Granny while I went to work. It all seemed so real - to the point where I had that "oh it was only a dream" thought when I woke up.

Dreaming about babies, as far as I know, is usually about starting something new in your life. Maybe I'm starting two things new! Or maybe my psyche is just fucked.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

R.I.P Belinda

Belinda Emmett died today. Perhaps best known as the wife of Rove McManus, she was a very good actress and always seemed like a nice person. She was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was only 24, which although it initially responded to treatment, returned as secondary cancer in her bones. Once you have a secondary cancer, you're pretty much screwed.

She was only 32, same age as me.

Rest in Peace Belinda. Stay strong Rove, we are all here for you.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Have you ever wondered.....

What you would look like if you were on Southpark? No me either, but this website lets you find out anyway!

I think I like my South Park me more than the real one!

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Mel Gibson, Halloween's Scariest Monster

This is Gallery of the Absurd's take on the scariest tabloid monster of the year.

Check it out here.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Amy and Emma's Birthday Sensation

Well Saturday night was my cousins' Amy and Emma's birthday party. Much fun and merriment was had by most. One of the best parts of the night was that most of the Marks cousins were there - only Rhys, who is only 5, wasn't there. Here is some picture evidence:

A strip of pics as designed by Patrick.

A bigger version of the top pic. L to R it is Patrick, Greta, Emma (FEMBOTanist), Amy (A. Lew) and Me. The theme was "fake tan" - as you can see Greta, Patrick and I didn't go in theme!!

Our "emo" pic.
How I felt yesterday.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Rohan, aged 5 months

Here are some pics of my gorgeous "nephew" Rohan.
Sarah, Rohan and I spent the very sunny afternoon down by the Yarra river, sitting in the shade.

Isn't he divine!

Monday, October 23, 2006

Filthy One Legged Whore

It's been all over the news for the last couple of months - Paul McCartney finally came to his senses and decided to divorce the Filthy One Legged Whore (FOLW). Now the FOLW is claiming that he was violent and aggressive, not only to her but also to his first wife Linda. She supposedly taped conversations and bugged his house, but all that has been reported is that you can hear her trying to bait him with comments like "you know you need to get help for your aggression" with no actual evidence of said aggression.
This woman is such a gold digger and the whole world saw it, except poor Paul. Part of his problem was that he had been in a happy marrige for almost all of his adult life, and men whose wives die after a happy marriage, typically will marry the first thing they see, as they want to recreate that happiness.
Paul and Linda were famously happy and in love - they made a policy of never spending time apart. Linda was such a strong woman, I cannot believe that if she was being abused she would not have done something about it.
These claims just make the FOLW look even more evil. She has supposedly said that if he doesn't give her half his money, she will make his life hell.
I also hope he gets custody of Bea - at least he actually seems to care for and love her, unlike her mother who leaves her with the nanny.
Slam dunk the bitch in court Paul - we're all behind you.

"See that door there? Use it"

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Take Away Horror

I should know better.
I have been craving chicken souvlakis for a little while now and I had one on Monday from a shop in Croydon which was really nice.
I must have then had a brain melt, because I decided today that I would like another one. Now I live in a semi-rural area, so the take away choices at lunch time are fish and chip shops or cafes only. I should have known to not order anything "exotic", but like I said, I must have had a brain melt.
So I went to a local shopping area, to go to the large supermarket there, and thought I would get a chicken souvlaki as well. Apparently though, what I asked for was a chicken souv-burger. It looked like a chicken souvlaki, smelt like a chicken souvlaki, but by God it didn't taste like one - the onion was fried rather than raw, which changed the taste towards a burger, and there was CHEESE - yes grated tasty cheese - in the garlic sauce. I kept expecting to find a fried egg and beetroot with my next bite.

Most Absurd Fight Scene EVER

This is a scene from a very classy 80s movie called "Undefeatble". It's hard to put into words just how bad this clip is - bad hair, bad clothes, bad effects, bad acting, bad editing, bad directing. It's freekin' brilliant!

Monday, October 09, 2006

Milton The Monster

It's funny how things enter your psyche. This is an episode of The Milton the Monster Show which was only made from 1965-1967. The part which has never left my brain is the song they sing while making Milton: "six drops of Essence of Terror, five drops of Sinister Sauce....". I still sing this song when I am cooking from a recipe.

I have been trying to explain to people for years where I got the song from. Well people THIS is where I got the song from:

The Dougs

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Youtube freekin' rocks!

Yet another one of my guilty pleasures - The Doug Anthony All Stars perform on The Big Gig in the early 1990s. It's a great example of their crass humour, plus fantastic singing.

I still want to be in a Tim and Paul sandwich.

As the mermaid said in DAAS Kapital: Paul's the one you wanna fuck; Tim's the one you think of while fucking Paul; but Richard is the one you would marry.


Sometimes I forget....

I don't really have much self confidence, but there a few things I am REALLY good at. One of them is singing. And sometimes even I forget that I have a great voice and I should practice and keep singing as much as possible. I have reminded recently because Vega added "Stop" by Sam Brown to their playlist. Fantastic song to sing, and I do it well.
I really owe Lynne for being able to recognise my singing. She encouraged me to join a community choir, which I really enjoyed. Being in the choir taught me that I can sing, and that I was actually quite good.
So I am outing myself and making a public pledge: I can sing. I have a really good voice, but I find it too intimidating to sing in public. Mum didn't even know I could sing until about 3 years ago, because I wouldn't even sing in front of her. Now I solemnly pledge to keep practising my singing and I pledge to sing in public. Soon.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Numa Numa Man

I was informed today that this is where the Asian Backstreet Boys got their idea. Apparently this guy was just singing along to the song, not realising his camera was on.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Best... Birthday... Present.... EVER.....

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me.....
Well mum has given me the best birthday present ever - a genuine example of Engrish! Engrish is one of my favourite things and she has outdone herself.
This is a nylon housewife apron, but they haven't called it an apron - they have called it "close relations between family members" and the blurb on the back reads :"Shuyading makes you clean beautiful and more fashionale." I wonder if they mean "clean, beautiful" or "clean beautifully". Doesn't matter, I love it anyway!
And I have ALWAYS wanted to be fashionale!

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Music that gives you a buzz

I found this on the internet today. It seems you attach it to your iPod, then insert it and buzz to the music, literally.
So the next time you see someone on the train REALLY into their iPod, you'll know why.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Naughty, naughty me....

Gee, can you tell by the fact that this is the fifth post today that I am home alone, bored, should be studying or doing housework and have had too much coffee? Nah I didn't think so!

The world's most handsome man

Youtube really does have everything.

There's no aphrodisiac like YOU Timmy...... *sigh*

Persian Backstreet Boys

They didn't come up with the idea (see previous post) but I like their interpretation - although the dude in the background freaks me a little.

Asian Backstreet Boys

Youtube Freekin' rocks.

Dodgy Hair Extensions

So hair extensions have been the chiz for a few years now - Victoria Beckham, among others, uses them to try and hide her skeletor collar bones.
Jessica Simpson, who I actually quite like, has recently brought out her own range of extensions with her hair dude Ken Paves. Now these are US$500 a pop, so I would expect quality.
Now in my understanding of like selling a product or something, the best way to sell it is to make it look good. Makes sense. My understanding of hair extensions is that they should look like natural hair - the average dumbass should not be able to tell that you are wearing extensions.
Well right now I am sitting watching Jay Leno and Jess is a guest. Her natural hair is in a bob right now, so she is clearly wearing extensions on the show.

Sadly, you can tell that she is wearing extensions - you can see the point where her natural hair stops, it's really obvious as her natural hair has body and movement and is a lighter blonde. The extensions look like Barbie would reject them. They look like a limp nylon wig that has just been pulled out of an overpriced showbag.
Not good advertising Jess!

Friday, September 29, 2006

Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

I don't know if I have told you all yet, but I found a new religion a while ago.
Known as Pastafarianism, it has moved me greatly.
I too have been touched by his noodly appendage.

(It started as an open letter to the Kansas School Board after they decided that teaching evolutionary theory was against the law. For all your noodly information click here.)

Why do I do it to myself?

I only work at my weekday job for 12 hours a week. Two six hour days. Nothing really.
I get on fabulously with approximately 50% of my colleagues; I get on ok with approximately 25%; and I BARELY tolerate 25%.
Now this is probably the same ratio you would get anywhere, in any job. But this job involves 7 people, 8 including myself, so the interactions with the people I tolerate are more frequent than I would like.
In my previous blog I referred to one particular colleague as "X", which I will continue in this blog as it gives her some anonymity, but most people will know who I am talking about.
So today is the planning day for our team - I am in the office on my own while they all sit in the next room planning what needs to be done for 2007. (Rest assurred that I would rather be here writing this than in there bored shitless). X is running a training session on Tuesday and asked me to ring Subway and book the catering. I did all this and then I get the "Oh, you don't work Tuesday's do you" followed by a pathetic look. Knowing that she was wanting me to volunteer to fuck up my life just for her, I just said "No, I don't" and walked away. She then tried the "Oh but I don't know where it is" despite an address and clear directions. Regardless of how hard she tries, I am not splitting my days off just because she is a princess.
And then of course I am on the phone to mum, just launching into bitching about X and she walks into the room and I can tell that she heard me. Here come the repercussions.
God I'm a doofus.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Harvey Birdman

This is a classic clip from Harvey Birdman - one of my guilty pleasures.
This is the employee orientation video. Enjoy!

Monday, September 25, 2006

Parasite Doll


Read all about it here.

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

I am slack and don't go to as many movies as I used to. I used to see several movies a week - I would have seen everything that was on at the cinema, sometimes several times. But alas I don't do that anymore, and I only end up seeing a movie when I am out on a date or catching up with a friend.
So Saturday night I saw "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby" which is a Nascar based comedy starring Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly. The key to movies like this is to go in expecting to see silliness. It was very silly and generally met all expectations - Will Ferrell is so willing to make an ass of himself on a regular basis, and he does it so well. In Talladega Nights he runs around in his off-white jocks, a racing helmet and white socks in a scene almost as funny as the nude scene in Old School.
John C Reilly is, as usual, fantastic as the loser best friend. John C Reilly rocks!
A surprising thing for me was just how funny Sacha Baron Cohen (Ali G) was as the bad guy - a gay French Nascar driver!!. I don't find Ali G funny at all - I don't mind some of his other stuff, but Ali G just shits me - yet he was great as an arrogant gay Nascar guy! Andy Richter (who used to be Conan's off-sider) plays his husband, a world renowned German Sheperd trainer who gets the dogs to do cheerleading pyramids.
The only really criticism of the movie I had was the editing/directing was a little hap-hazard. Sometimes it felt like it was chopping and changing, and not in an independent film edgy sort of way, but in a we let the work experience kid do the editing kind of way.
So there we go, my movie reviews will enthrall you all - stay tuned for the next one in about three months time!!

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Time to start anew.....

Well, I have decided to move my blogging escapades to blogspot, so I too can be considered cool.
As I have moved to a new site, I am going to start with some resolutions:
  1. I promise to update this blog, as well as my crime blog killingtimeinoz.blogspot.com, a minimum of three times per week each.
  2. I promise that at least one of said entries will be mildly amusing.
  3. I promise to not bitch too much.

I'm sure I won't stick to them, but lets see how I go.

Onward and upward.