I F***ing Hate Banks. And some people.

I haven't been blogging for a while, because I have almost been homeless.

It's a long story, so bear with me.

About six months ago Debra was really unwell, and unable to work. As a result, she fell behind on the mortgage etc. Initially she avoided the phone calls, but eventually she rang the bank and sorted it out - she paid a lump sum off the arrears and made an arrangement to catch up.

Well, in early February, without warning, the bank decided to foreclose. The first we knew of it was a summons and letter from the sheriff stating that we had 30 days to vacate the premises.

So we contacted a finance broker, and arranged a loan. It was all going fine, and then four days before the deadline the loan was declined. The reason was the value of the property - the person who had valued the property had valued it at the same price we paid for it 3 years ago, despite the massive amount of work which has been done. The reason? The mess the dogs made.

Now I know it was messy - I mean I'm not blind or stupid - but my understanding of a valuer's job was the value the PROPERTY not the OCCUPANTS. I firmly believe that is what he did. We are in the middle of town, on 2.75 acres, yet he valued the property at $175,000. 2 Acres just up the road is on the market for $140,000, without a shitty house on it or amenities even connected. We paid $170,000 in 2004, and have: put a new roof on; fixed floors and ceiling; painted; cleared and gravelled the driveway; cleared massive amounts of overgrowth; built a retaining wall; landscaped the garden; added an extra room; built fences; cleared away junk; built chook yard and so on and so on. This guy sounded like he had never been out of Toorak or Beaumaris in his life and had no concept of how people live.

So, then we had four days before we were due to be evicted, no loan, a really messy house and stress levels through the roof. Westpac kindly gave us an extension of 14 days to get another loan. We changed finance brokers, have spent two weeks cleaning, and now it looks like it will all be alright - the next valuer is coming on Monday, and this company lend 100% of the value. If they value the house much higher than the other guy, I am going to complain about him to the REIV. Fucking bastard.

I have always hated banks, but I especially hate Westpac right now. Mum had been a Westpac customer for 30 years through about 6 mortgages and had always been a good customer. She was talking to them and had made payment arrangements, yet they chose to foreclose on a piddly $130,000 mortgage anyway. I have told mum that she needs to move all her banking to either the Bendigo or a Credit Union - I bank with a Credit Union and they are a million times better.

In fact all of you - every single one of you - stop using banks - they are evil. Use a credit union or keep your cash in a cigar box in the backyard.

It's what I do.

UPDATE: Well the second valuation is in - $220,000! So two weeks of cleaning was worth $45,000?!?! I doubt that very much. But we have the loan now, and still have a roof over our heads, and the heads of way too many poodles, four chickens and a goat. Now to write that letter of complaint......

Cyanide & Happiness

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Oscars Highlight

I am SO excited that Eddie Murphy lost the award (and that Alan Arkin won it). More importantly, Eddie showed why he did not deserve to win by storming out of the show after he lost, not waiting to see his co-stars perform, or Jennifer Hudson win her Oscar (you go girl - and rub it in Beyonce's face every time you see her....)
For me, this was the best part of the show.

Big Butts Anime

What can I say? I saw this last weekend, and I may never be the same.

Oscar Countdown

Five sleeps to go, five sleeps to go....

I am fully aware that the oscars are rigged - I mean how else did Gwyneth win for Shakespeare in Love? Miramax bought her an Oscar.

But, along with my decision to worship at the altar of celebrity, award ceremonies are religious events for me, and as religious events goes, the Oscars are my Christmas. I would rather work Christmas day and have Oscar day off (so I can avoid media reports). Yes, I am aware that I am sad.

OK, my predictions for this year are:

Best Actor: Forrest Whittakker, The Last King of Scotland

Best Actress: Helen Mirren, The Queen

Best Supporting Actress: Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls (Although I would LOVE it if Abigail Breslen managed an upset).

Best Supporting Actor: Eddie Murphy, Dreamgirls (Although I don't think he deserves it - if Russell Crowe misses out for being a thug off screen, Eddie Murphy should miss out for what he has done to Melane Brown (Scary Spice)).

Best Picture: Babel (Although, again, I would LOVE it if Little Miss Sunshine managed an upset.

I don't have any idea about the other categories.

I'm getting the popcorn ready.....

Brit-Brit Goes Crazy

Today, Britney Spears shaved off all her hair and was apparently behaving very oddly.

Let's start a pool - in a psych ward, in "rehab" or dead by the end of February?

UPDATE: Yep, she's in rehab. Reports are suggesting that K-Fed threatened to have her hair tested for drug use during the custody battle, which is why she wanted it all off.

Makes way too much sense really.

UPDATE 2: Well, for the second time in a week, she has checked out of rehab after less than 24 hours.

The new rumour is saying she thought she had lice and they were eating her hair extensions, so she wanted the hair gone. That explaination makes her sound psychotic or drug fucked to me - tactile hallucinations or ice bugs? Give it another day or two and we'll probably find out - the ice will show up in the autopsy.

Dick in a box

My respect for Justin Timberlake has grown immensely since I saw this.

The scariest creature on earth....

Another One Bites The Dust

I've never been a fan of Anna Nicole Smith - in fact I downright hated her for a long time because she was a Marilyn wannabe - at one point she bought the house in Fifth Helena Drive where Marilyn died, and then took an overdose to attempt to die there too. But I do worship at the altar of celebrity, and I have felt extremely sorry for her since her son Daniel died in September, within hours of her daughter being born.

Now to wake up this morning and found that Anna Nicole herself has died suddenly has shocked me significantly. From the reports I've read, I think she died before she hit the floor - probably heart failure from all the bizarre eating patterns and drugs over the years.

There has been a suggestion made though that Howard K Stern, her lawyer and boyfriend, may have had something to do wtih not only her death, but Daniel's as well. Apparantly Anna Nicole's estranged(what a surprise) mother voiced these fears more than a month ago.

Sadly, with the soap opera that has been Anna Nicole's life, nothing would surprise me.

I just hope that DannieLynn gets all the money and gets to have a nice, normal life.

Don't like her chances though.

Oh the pain of it all.....

On Monday while I was fixing the fence, where the fuckers had chewed through it again, I killed my back. I have now been in a rather large amount of pain for 3 days, and I'm bloody sick of it!

I really, really, REALLY hate going to the doctor, so I am trying to fix myself, but I suspect I am going to have to crack and go to the GP.

Dammit!

Update: Yes, I have a saccral joint sprain on the right side, and some strong anti-flim-flams, but it is going to take two weeks to stop hurting - TWO FUCKING WEEKS - AAAARRRRGGGHHHHH..........

Lies, Lies Damned Lies

I'm in a bit of a pickle at the moment.

A good friend of mine lies to me on a regular basis - sometimes several times a day. It is usually little stuff, often about money or something she owes me. It has gone on for years, and has reached a stage where I know she is lying to me, and I get really upset and angry. If she sees any of my reaction she gets really angry with me.

For instance I received an SMS today which I knew was a blatant lie.

I was pretty upset and sent a sarcastic SMS back, to which I got shit blown out of me. I then had to do the "no, I was being serious, not sarcastic" thing to calm down the situation because conflict terrifies me.

So I am in a situation where I am being lied to on a regular basis and I am too scared to say anything about it. She knows damned well that I will never say anything, so this is going to go on forever.

I wish I had some balls!

Conan's Ad for the I-Phone

Bless.

Guy Love

I love Scrubs, but this just blew my mind!

I would happily share their guy love.

Marks Family X-mess

Here are some pics from our lover-ly day yesterday.

My cousin Rhys and presents.
Rhys and presents.
Cousin Patrick opening his guitar.
The shrine to the currently travelling Amy (A. Lew). Note the items of significance.

Emma (FEMBOTanist) with Rhys after Patrick painted him with the face paint we gave him.

Me!

Engrish Soap Crayons

Mum seems to have an uncanny knack for finding excellent Engrish items - I suspect it stems from her refusal to shop in anything other than op shops and $2 shops.

Well I noticed today as I was looking at the stocking fillers I need to wrap for the kiddies we didn't see yesterday that one of the items, some soap crayons for the bath, had a big white sticker over the instructions.

I could smell the Engrish oozing out from under that sticker. And sure enough....
This is what it says: (all spelling and punctuation as in original)

"USAGE:

Use it under the guardian,don't use on bathbed, otherwise,it's risk of accidents, such as falling down,hurt.

It's risk of suffocation, don't eat the wrapper, don't use under 3 years.

To rinse with water at once if spray into eyes.

Please stop use it if feeling allergic,and ask for the doctor if feeling unwell.

Don't eat it,apart from children.

Please rinse with water at once after daubbing. Don't keep it on skin for long time.

Use it lightly.

DIRECTION:

This product is easy to dissolve, keep it where it is dry, atnormal temperature, shady and cool.

This product is easy toadhere to the porous stuff,such as wood, Concrete;marble;color is easy to diffues ,please take care.

In case the chine-brick is dyed by it, you can rinse with the bleaching agent.

In case the cloth is dyed by it, you can rinse with washing powder.Don't use outside the bathroom,please.

When it is dry and will become sticky,you can add some water.

The packing label may be dyed bysoap, while there is no quality problem. Please put it on blister when open.

Please don,t use the demaged & out of shape blister in case an accident happens."

Bless.

Movie Review: Casino Royale

Yes, I actually left the house. Bizarre I know.

So last night I saw Casino Royale - my first ever experience with a complete James Bond movie. I know all the pop-culture bits out of the Bond movies, but I had never sat through a whole one.

And I must say, I loved it! I was a bit ambivalent about Daniel Craig before I saw him, but now I am in love!! He played Bond as much more flawed than previous Bonds, and it makes him seem more human, less super-hero. And My GOD that man is sexy.

The action was fantastic - one of the first scenes was a fantastic action sequence that went for probably 10 minutes and was filled with breath-taking stunts - running up the side of a construction site, jumping from beam to beam, hundreds of feet off the ground. It looked really cool.

The Bond car was devine - the gadgets included his own defibrilator - everyone should have one!!

All the elements were present for a good Bond film - sexual tension, groovy action sequences, smart dialogue and cool gadgets.

The only time I was disappointed was towards the end, when the editor decided to let the work experience person do the editing - I suspect that it was meant to show changes over a period of time, but it just looked sloppy, as Bond would be kissing a girl wearing a plain green dress, and then she is wearing a floral dress, and then the location changed, all without any explaination.

But just as I was thinking it was all going to fizzle in the end, I was blown away once more, with the very end leaving me on an enormous high.

I really loved this movie and I thoroughly recommend it!!

Weeeeee......

Don't you love it when you solve a problem!

About two months ago the &*^#ing firewall here at work decided to block me from making blog entries - I could view my blog, but not make an entry.

Well I just found a way that lets me in!

Yay-arama!

We're a funny bunch.

I have been thinking about nicknames recently. I don't know if it is an Aussie thing, or just a Lydia thing, but I have been thinking about pets and how we do not just give them names, but inevitably they get nicknames as well.

Now I know I have more pets than the rest of Melbourne put together, but let's just take a look at some of the names and nicknames in my house...

Cara - Full name Caramia, as in what Gomez calls Morticia. Registered name: Yotclub Calamity. Nicknames: Cuzz, Curraburra, Carbar, Carbunkle, Burra, Buzz, Houdini, Fuckhead.

Womble - Full name: Persephone Jane. Registered Name: Yotclub Cici

Nicknames: Womble (after I decided she looked like a womble), Womblina, Blina, Wom, Bleen.

Cordelia - Registered Name: Calpurnia Cordelia

Nicknames - Cordy, Deely, Fucking Cordelia, Bastard Face (the last two are often used as a pair ie "guess what Fucking Cordelia Bastard Face did").

Delilah - Registered Name: Calpurnia Delilah

Nicknames: Dee Dee, Delly Belly, Delly da Bell, Belly, Incontinentia.

Xena - Fullname: Xena Warrior Poodle

Nicknmes: Xeen, Xeeny, X Factor, Goober, Goobs, Pussycat dog.

Elvira - Fullname: Elvira Poodle of Darkness

Nicknames: LV, Bee Bee, Bee bee da bub, Bubba,

Rita - Registered Name: Calpurnia Rita Hayworth

Nicknames: Reet-reet, Rita the retard, ree-ree, Baby

Timmy - Registered Name: Calpurnia Tiny Tim

Nicknames: Timson, Mima, Mimi, Mim, Mista Tim.

Isis - Registered Name: Redsonnet Redrobin

Nicknames: I, I-woo, I-poo, I-pood, Icy woo, Icy.

Jedda - Registered Name: Yotclub Jedda at Midnight

Nicknames: Jed, Jebba, Jebediah Spingfield, Hans Sprungfeld

Max - Registered Name: Calpurnia Max Power

Nicknames: Maximus, Maxi-mouse, Maxi-moose, Aurilius Maximus, Naughtius Maximus, Max Power, Moose.

Daphne - Registered Name: Calpurnia Daphne Moon

Nicknames: Daffles, Daphne Boo, Boo, Daffleberry, Berryboo, Miss Moon, Destructo Twin.

Niles - Registered Name: Calpurnia Niles Crane

Nicknames: Smilesy Nilesy, Nilesy boy, Destructo Twin.

And I wonder why they don't come when I call them....

(They all also get their own songs, but I will discuss them in another post!)

Party Plan Hell

About two years ago Sarah began a cycle of party plan type thingies - you know Tupperware, Undercover Wear, Lorraine Lea Linen, Giftware, Scrapbooking, Aromatherapy. I could seriously go on and on.

Well because I am a doofus with a soft spot for buying crap, I got caught up in all this, booking parties of my own and acquiring large amounts of unneccesary, overpriced, crap.

The major problem with these parties is you agree to buy more than you can reasonably afford, because the chicky says "it's ok, there's six weeks to pay". So even though I struggle from pay to pay, I agree to buy $300 worth of linen because I don't have to come up with the money for six weeks.

So of course as part of this, I had my own linen party. The money was meant to be in on the 10th of November. I had my money on the 10th of November. No one else did. I now do not have my money, and I only have about half of every one elses. I somehow have to get the order in asap, if for no other reason than I really want my new wool doona, just in time for summer.

God my life is weird.

Boys Beware

I'm not really sure whether to laugh or cry.