Paragliding Chihuahua Survives Crash

A 42 year old man, with his pet chihuahua strapped to his chest, got stuck in a tree while paragliding in Don Valley. He called the police on his mobile, but it took them five hours to find him. I love the mental image I have of the man in the tree with his Chihuahua (who was almost certainly shivering) strapped to his chest for five hours. I especially love that it was about 15 minutes from my house.

Bless.

UPDATE: I just saw the story on the news - I know this chihuahua!!! Her name is Emma and when I was in the Warburton Community Choir, Emma and her dad used to come and watch rehearsal because her mum was in the choir! How funny! She walks around Warby in little camo jackets and she is always with her dad. Go Emma!!!

Jimmy Kimmel is Fucking Ben Affleck

Fucking Brilliant.

British Military LSD Trials.

Bless.

Post Oscar Roundup

Well my religious event has been and gone for another year. I can't say that last night's ceremony was the best I have ever seen, but it wasn't the worst either. The highlights for me were:

* Jon Stewart. Love him, love him, love him. He can do no wrong. I especially loved when he got one half of the duo who won best song out to say her speech because she got cut off.

* Tilda Swinton's speech was lovely.

* When the author of "Juno" won for original screenplay. This was the only time I teared up a bit during the ceremony - great speech thanking her family for loving her the way she is.

* Seth Rogan and Jonah Hill. Seth Rogan is currently in my top three of sexiest Hollywood men (with Kevin Smith and Jack Black).

Sadly, that's about it. I am satiated though, and can relax until next year.

I hate cars.

I do, I really hate them.

The "check engine" light came on on the way home from work on Sunday and the car was shuddering a bit and being a bastard.

The light came on sporadically for a few days, so I got it serviced and got the fuel injectors cleaned. When the mechanic test drove it initially the light did not come on. When he finished servicing it, he test drove it and the light did not come on. He got me to test drive it as well. No light.

ONE HOUR LATER I go to drive to the supermarket - the fucking "check engine" light comes on again. I tossed and turned all night because I was so pissed that I spent $600 having stuff done to the car, only to have the light come back on again.

So I get in this morning to drive to work. No light. I start to think it might be all good. I stop at a bakery to buy breakfast and when I start the car again - the fucking light is back.

I have since googled Astras and engine lights - apparently it is a common problem and apparently Astras are lemons.

Fucking great.

Brain go melt now....

After a morning of looking at this....

I really just want to be looking at this....

Peter F*cking Russell F*cking Clark

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nsP4QsMiFA

F*cking Brilliant.

The Pleasure Box

I attended/co-hosted a Pleasure Box party last night - AKA Fuckerware.

Excellent fun.

Can't wait for my package to arrive!

I didn't get the nipple clamps or the glass dildo, but there is always next time.

To see their range, make clicky here.

These stupid things I have done.....

I have been thinking a lot this week about stupid things I have done, starting mid 1989 when I sent a perfume-soaked heartfelt love letter to Cameron Smith and became the laughing stock of Edenhope High School for several decades. Or about a week. Not sure which.

And lets not forget (God knows I never will) the News Year Eve party in 1997 where I drank my own body weight in Cock Sucking Cowgirls, made in cream cheese glasses. Did you know cream cheese glasses hold a LOT more than shot glasses? Well after consuming said Cowgirls, I confessed my undying love for SH* and then proceeded to projectile vomit all over Mrs Conlon's dining room, in front of all the cool kids. I still haven't lived that one down in certain circles.

There are many aspects of my "love life" (and I use that term loosely) which could be put in this same category. Some more recent than others, some more stupid than others.

What's most sad is that you would think I would learn from my mistakes.

If I could turn back time indeed. That Cher is a wise, wise woman.

*Name omitted for legal reasons.

From The Daily Show Newsletter:

HYBRIDIZATION IN THE UKAfter a lengthy debate among members of the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA), Britain's fertility regulator said Thursday it would allow scientists to create human-animal hybrid embryos for research. While the decision does provoke obvious ethical questions, scientists considered it less controversial than the suggested alternative of stealing embryos from werewolves. Researchers want to produce hybrids that are 99.9 percent human and 0.1 percent animal, which coincidentally, was what fellow Statistics club members called me back at Black Horse Pike Regional high school. Just be thankful Vis-à-vis pens weren't around back then, or I could have done some serious damage. John Smeaton, national director of the Society of the Protection of Unborn Children, said the decision was creating "sub-human" slaves, and was a "disastrous setback for human dignity." Though Smeaton did have to admit that it was "an incredible boost for animal dignity." He added, "I mean, with all the shit eating and running around naked, they haven't really had any dignity until now. Except maybe lions."

Bless.

Drink Apple Juice. OJ will kill you.

Reports have been circulating for the last couple of days that OJ Simpson's girlfriend has been admitted to hospital with serious injuries after a "fall". Christine Prody, who has been dating OJ on and off since 1999, has a significant head injury after supposedly falling at a gas station in Miami.

I have some questions:

1. First, is it just me, or is she a dead-ringer (no pun intended) for Nicole Brown-Simpson.

2. Why, oh why, would you date OJ Simpson?

3. Where was OJ when Christine had this "fall"?

4. WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD DATE OJ SIMPSON?!?!?!?!?

5. Will someone PLEASE put this man in jail?!? I don't really care why. Armed robbery, threatening witnesses, murder, general bastardry. Surely some charge has to stick.

As my favourite T-Shirt says "Drink Apple Juice. OJ Will Kill You". Buy one just like mine here.

10 Sleeps to go....

10 Sleeps to go....

10 Sleeps to go....

10 Sleeps to go....

10 Sleeps to go....

Until my favourite day of the year - THE OSCARS!!!!!

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was going to totally crack the poos if the WGA strike had affected the ceremony, but now that is over (as of this week) I can relax and prepare for the show.

I have my formal dress and Wonder Woman Tiara ready.....

And the award for procrastinator of the year goes to.....

Yep, me.

Uni starts back next week and have done maybe one tenth of the things I intended to do over the break. I kept putting things off because "I still have time".

Now I want to read three books, organise my life and teach myself to knit. Today.

That's practical.

*Sigh*

Crackerjack.

Crackerjack.

Crackerjack.

Crackerjack.

Life lessons

It's funny how sometimes you have an experience that teaches you some thing about yourself. I guess I try to learn something from every experience, but sometimes a particular experience will stay with you for a while.

These are just a few of the lessons I have learnt about myself in the last couple of weeks:

1. I'm way too trusting of other people. I think I knew that already, but it has been rammed home of late. I let someone lie to me repeatedly and chose to ignore it.

2. Trust the pit crew. I have a core group of friends who I turn to for support and advice. The pit crew. They get me physically and emotionally ready for the world. Some of them are new to the crew, some have been around for decades. All of them have my best interest at heart. ALL of them gave me the same advice, and I ignored it. I'm sorry, I won't do it agian.

3. I'm not studying criminology for nothing. To cut a long story short, I was conversing with someone who had not told me many details about themselves. I had a revelation late one night, and looked online with the information I did have - first name, nickname, job, hobby. Success. I even found a picture. One of my most satisfying moments ever was meeting, and seeing that I had indeed found him online. This is the best lesson of them all - don't fuck with me, coz I will find you online.

Onwards and upwards.

Wulffmorgenthaler

It is comics like this that make life worth living.

See more here.

Zachary Benjamin Humphries

Here is baby Zac, my newest "nephew", who was born October 27th (Yes, I know I am slack). Oh and some pics of his big brother Rohan too!

Amy and Emma's Birthday Wedding Sensation

Amy and Emma's Birthday party this year was a Suburban Bliss Wedding. Emma was the bride(that should be bridezilla!!!) and Amy was the groom. Guests could be bridal party, mothers of the bride, sleazy uncles etc.

I went as the ultimate white trash bride - fat, knocked up, tattoo on my boob, thongs and wearing a necklace that said "available".

I was hot.

Why I am so slack?

It is an excellent question. Why has it been since June that I have not posted on this blog?

Is it studies? After all I have started my Masters in July.

Work? Working two jobs can be tough.

Mum's health? I have certainly not been feeling all that much like writing about just how crappy my life has been lately.

Facebook? My name is Lydia, and I am a Facebook addict. Very true. Who knew getting your picture of a vampire to "attack" someone else's picture of a vampire could be so damned addictive? Finding people I went to school with has also been.... Let's just say terrifying and leave it at that.

Really lame G Rated computer games? My addiction to games where I run a diner, build houses or bake cakes is as hilarious as it is sad. I just cannot stop. Beauty salons. Gardening. Pizza shops. You name it, I'll play it. Don't expect me to do real work though.

I guess it is probably all of the above.

So, once again, I pledge to write some of my ramblings on this blog and to occasionally be funny. Damned funny.

Rohan, aged 1 year

This is my "nephew" Rohan. Isn't he gorgeous!