La Pequena

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaW-uj0Ta14




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0fvQQtkqoA


So Wrong. God, it's so wrong.

Frozen New York

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwMj3PJDxuo

Japanese Impersonators do "We are the world"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36w-CyqCO1A

Star Wars, as interpreted by a 3 year old

Bless.

Political Wives

Yet another sex scandal has "rocked" US politics - surely they would be used to it by now, and all this "rocking" would be unneccesary.

Anyway NY Govenor Eliot Spitzer, who campaigned strongly to ban prostitution when he was District Attorney, was found to be spending huge amounts of money on high class escorts.

That in itself is no big deal. A lying politician? I'm shocked.

It's poor Mrs Spitzer, who despite any actual feelings, has to publicly stand by her man, as have Hilary Clinton, and many other wronged political wives. In no other profession would the wife, who had just been cheated on, be expected to put on a brave face and smile for the cameras, supporting her no-good piece-of-poo husband. Indeed, even in the article in The Age (click here), it seems Mrs Spitzer does not even have a given name. (I had to eventually go to Wikipedia to find out her name as it was in none of the news articles I read. Her name is Silda.) Poor woman.

So Mrs Spitzer stands there while a contrite Govenor Spitzer resigns and apologises.

As a reward she should be able to flog him publically. Then again, perhaps not: he might like it.

"Woman sat on toilet seat for two years"

A woman in Texas has spent two years sitting on the toilet. Her boyfriend would ask her if she wanted to get up and she would say "maybe tomorrow". He would bring her food and water. TWO YEARS!!! Her skin had grown around the seat. The boyfriend finally rang an ambulance - and they had to cut the seat off and send it with her as it was attached to her body. Her leg muscles had atrophied. See The Age article here. The boyfriend has not explained why he took two years to call.

The questions I have are:

1. TWO YEARS?!?!?!?
2. What made him suddenly decide something was wrong?
3. Why didn't he just pick her up, like 729 days earlier, and remove her from the toilet?
4. Why wouldn't she move? Was there some medical event that occurred whilst on the toilet that was never treated? A stroke maybe? Or was it just a really good book, and she couldn't put it down?
5. Where did he go to the toilet?
6. Why did no one else move her from the toilet or even notice her lack of presence? Did they have no friends? Family? Visitors?
7. Why did he collude with her, by bringing her food and water? And not for a brief period of time - but for TWO YEARS!!!!!

I just don't get it.

Public Versus Private

After spending 8 hours last Friday waiting in Private hospital waiting areas, waiting to get Debra a bed (she had an infected toe), I have noticed some similarities and differences between public and private hospitals.
Sames:
1. Your very existence is an annoyance to every employee of the hospital.
2. If you need to attend two different departments within the same building, they will be as far apart as possible, requiring maps, directions, a small packed lunch and bread crumbs ala Hansel and Gretel to find your way out again.
3. The bigger the hospital, the better the coffee. I would never upset my Zouki coffee overlords by suggesting Hudson's at Knox Private did better Vanilla Lattes, but they did have a third size cup, as big as you would get at a proper retail outlet. It wasn't the trough of coffee I have always dreamt of, but it was close. And it was very nice. But Zouki coffee is the best of course, and my weekends would be unbearable without it. Yay Zouki.
4. Hospital food is hospital food, regardless of where you are.

Differences:
1. Magazine quality. In a public hospital waiting area you will find New Idea, Woman's Day, Take 5, That's Life. If you are in a really classy public hospital you may even find a Marie Claire. In a private hospital waiting area there are magazines I had never heard of - Golfing Digest, Architect Monthly, Vogue Living. In a really low class private hospital, you might find Marie Claire. It seems MC swings both ways.
2. Obvious differences in clientèle. It seems if you afford private health insurance, you can afford clean thongs.
3. You might be looked at with the same disdain, but at a private hospital they will see to you a little faster, because there is actual power in your complaints.

So Debra is home now - five days in Ringwood Private. Her toe is better and hopefully it will be a while again before I have to be reminded of the joys of being on the "wrong" side of the healthcare system, public or private.

Paragliding Chihuahua Survives Crash

A 42 year old man, with his pet chihuahua strapped to his chest, got stuck in a tree while paragliding in Don Valley. He called the police on his mobile, but it took them five hours to find him. I love the mental image I have of the man in the tree with his Chihuahua (who was almost certainly shivering) strapped to his chest for five hours. I especially love that it was about 15 minutes from my house.

Bless.

UPDATE: I just saw the story on the news - I know this chihuahua!!! Her name is Emma and when I was in the Warburton Community Choir, Emma and her dad used to come and watch rehearsal because her mum was in the choir! How funny! She walks around Warby in little camo jackets and she is always with her dad. Go Emma!!!

Jimmy Kimmel is Fucking Ben Affleck

Fucking Brilliant.

British Military LSD Trials.

Bless.

Post Oscar Roundup

Well my religious event has been and gone for another year. I can't say that last night's ceremony was the best I have ever seen, but it wasn't the worst either. The highlights for me were:

* Jon Stewart. Love him, love him, love him. He can do no wrong. I especially loved when he got one half of the duo who won best song out to say her speech because she got cut off.

* Tilda Swinton's speech was lovely.

* When the author of "Juno" won for original screenplay. This was the only time I teared up a bit during the ceremony - great speech thanking her family for loving her the way she is.

* Seth Rogan and Jonah Hill. Seth Rogan is currently in my top three of sexiest Hollywood men (with Kevin Smith and Jack Black).

Sadly, that's about it. I am satiated though, and can relax until next year.

I hate cars.

I do, I really hate them.

The "check engine" light came on on the way home from work on Sunday and the car was shuddering a bit and being a bastard.

The light came on sporadically for a few days, so I got it serviced and got the fuel injectors cleaned. When the mechanic test drove it initially the light did not come on. When he finished servicing it, he test drove it and the light did not come on. He got me to test drive it as well. No light.

ONE HOUR LATER I go to drive to the supermarket - the fucking "check engine" light comes on again. I tossed and turned all night because I was so pissed that I spent $600 having stuff done to the car, only to have the light come back on again.

So I get in this morning to drive to work. No light. I start to think it might be all good. I stop at a bakery to buy breakfast and when I start the car again - the fucking light is back.

I have since googled Astras and engine lights - apparently it is a common problem and apparently Astras are lemons.

Fucking great.

Brain go melt now....

After a morning of looking at this....

I really just want to be looking at this....

Peter F*cking Russell F*cking Clark

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nsP4QsMiFA

F*cking Brilliant.

The Pleasure Box

I attended/co-hosted a Pleasure Box party last night - AKA Fuckerware.

Excellent fun.

Can't wait for my package to arrive!

I didn't get the nipple clamps or the glass dildo, but there is always next time.

To see their range, make clicky here.

These stupid things I have done.....

I have been thinking a lot this week about stupid things I have done, starting mid 1989 when I sent a perfume-soaked heartfelt love letter to Cameron Smith and became the laughing stock of Edenhope High School for several decades. Or about a week. Not sure which.

And lets not forget (God knows I never will) the News Year Eve party in 1997 where I drank my own body weight in Cock Sucking Cowgirls, made in cream cheese glasses. Did you know cream cheese glasses hold a LOT more than shot glasses? Well after consuming said Cowgirls, I confessed my undying love for SH* and then proceeded to projectile vomit all over Mrs Conlon's dining room, in front of all the cool kids. I still haven't lived that one down in certain circles.

There are many aspects of my "love life" (and I use that term loosely) which could be put in this same category. Some more recent than others, some more stupid than others.

What's most sad is that you would think I would learn from my mistakes.

If I could turn back time indeed. That Cher is a wise, wise woman.

*Name omitted for legal reasons.

From The Daily Show Newsletter:

HYBRIDIZATION IN THE UKAfter a lengthy debate among members of the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA), Britain's fertility regulator said Thursday it would allow scientists to create human-animal hybrid embryos for research. While the decision does provoke obvious ethical questions, scientists considered it less controversial than the suggested alternative of stealing embryos from werewolves. Researchers want to produce hybrids that are 99.9 percent human and 0.1 percent animal, which coincidentally, was what fellow Statistics club members called me back at Black Horse Pike Regional high school. Just be thankful Vis-à-vis pens weren't around back then, or I could have done some serious damage. John Smeaton, national director of the Society of the Protection of Unborn Children, said the decision was creating "sub-human" slaves, and was a "disastrous setback for human dignity." Though Smeaton did have to admit that it was "an incredible boost for animal dignity." He added, "I mean, with all the shit eating and running around naked, they haven't really had any dignity until now. Except maybe lions."

Bless.

Drink Apple Juice. OJ will kill you.

Reports have been circulating for the last couple of days that OJ Simpson's girlfriend has been admitted to hospital with serious injuries after a "fall". Christine Prody, who has been dating OJ on and off since 1999, has a significant head injury after supposedly falling at a gas station in Miami.

I have some questions:

1. First, is it just me, or is she a dead-ringer (no pun intended) for Nicole Brown-Simpson.

2. Why, oh why, would you date OJ Simpson?

3. Where was OJ when Christine had this "fall"?

4. WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD DATE OJ SIMPSON?!?!?!?!?

5. Will someone PLEASE put this man in jail?!? I don't really care why. Armed robbery, threatening witnesses, murder, general bastardry. Surely some charge has to stick.

As my favourite T-Shirt says "Drink Apple Juice. OJ Will Kill You". Buy one just like mine here.

10 Sleeps to go....

10 Sleeps to go....

10 Sleeps to go....

10 Sleeps to go....

10 Sleeps to go....

Until my favourite day of the year - THE OSCARS!!!!!

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was going to totally crack the poos if the WGA strike had affected the ceremony, but now that is over (as of this week) I can relax and prepare for the show.

I have my formal dress and Wonder Woman Tiara ready.....

And the award for procrastinator of the year goes to.....

Yep, me.

Uni starts back next week and have done maybe one tenth of the things I intended to do over the break. I kept putting things off because "I still have time".

Now I want to read three books, organise my life and teach myself to knit. Today.

That's practical.

*Sigh*