Dick in a box

My respect for Justin Timberlake has grown immensely since I saw this.

The scariest creature on earth....

Another One Bites The Dust

I've never been a fan of Anna Nicole Smith - in fact I downright hated her for a long time because she was a Marilyn wannabe - at one point she bought the house in Fifth Helena Drive where Marilyn died, and then took an overdose to attempt to die there too. But I do worship at the altar of celebrity, and I have felt extremely sorry for her since her son Daniel died in September, within hours of her daughter being born.

Now to wake up this morning and found that Anna Nicole herself has died suddenly has shocked me significantly. From the reports I've read, I think she died before she hit the floor - probably heart failure from all the bizarre eating patterns and drugs over the years.

There has been a suggestion made though that Howard K Stern, her lawyer and boyfriend, may have had something to do wtih not only her death, but Daniel's as well. Apparantly Anna Nicole's estranged(what a surprise) mother voiced these fears more than a month ago.

Sadly, with the soap opera that has been Anna Nicole's life, nothing would surprise me.

I just hope that DannieLynn gets all the money and gets to have a nice, normal life.

Don't like her chances though.

Oh the pain of it all.....

On Monday while I was fixing the fence, where the fuckers had chewed through it again, I killed my back. I have now been in a rather large amount of pain for 3 days, and I'm bloody sick of it!

I really, really, REALLY hate going to the doctor, so I am trying to fix myself, but I suspect I am going to have to crack and go to the GP.

Dammit!

Update: Yes, I have a saccral joint sprain on the right side, and some strong anti-flim-flams, but it is going to take two weeks to stop hurting - TWO FUCKING WEEKS - AAAARRRRGGGHHHHH..........

Lies, Lies Damned Lies

I'm in a bit of a pickle at the moment.

A good friend of mine lies to me on a regular basis - sometimes several times a day. It is usually little stuff, often about money or something she owes me. It has gone on for years, and has reached a stage where I know she is lying to me, and I get really upset and angry. If she sees any of my reaction she gets really angry with me.

For instance I received an SMS today which I knew was a blatant lie.

I was pretty upset and sent a sarcastic SMS back, to which I got shit blown out of me. I then had to do the "no, I was being serious, not sarcastic" thing to calm down the situation because conflict terrifies me.

So I am in a situation where I am being lied to on a regular basis and I am too scared to say anything about it. She knows damned well that I will never say anything, so this is going to go on forever.

I wish I had some balls!

Conan's Ad for the I-Phone

Bless.

Guy Love

I love Scrubs, but this just blew my mind!

I would happily share their guy love.

Marks Family X-mess

Here are some pics from our lover-ly day yesterday.

My cousin Rhys and presents.
Rhys and presents.
Cousin Patrick opening his guitar.
The shrine to the currently travelling Amy (A. Lew). Note the items of significance.

Emma (FEMBOTanist) with Rhys after Patrick painted him with the face paint we gave him.

Me!

Engrish Soap Crayons

Mum seems to have an uncanny knack for finding excellent Engrish items - I suspect it stems from her refusal to shop in anything other than op shops and $2 shops.

Well I noticed today as I was looking at the stocking fillers I need to wrap for the kiddies we didn't see yesterday that one of the items, some soap crayons for the bath, had a big white sticker over the instructions.

I could smell the Engrish oozing out from under that sticker. And sure enough....
This is what it says: (all spelling and punctuation as in original)

"USAGE:

Use it under the guardian,don't use on bathbed, otherwise,it's risk of accidents, such as falling down,hurt.

It's risk of suffocation, don't eat the wrapper, don't use under 3 years.

To rinse with water at once if spray into eyes.

Please stop use it if feeling allergic,and ask for the doctor if feeling unwell.

Don't eat it,apart from children.

Please rinse with water at once after daubbing. Don't keep it on skin for long time.

Use it lightly.

DIRECTION:

This product is easy to dissolve, keep it where it is dry, atnormal temperature, shady and cool.

This product is easy toadhere to the porous stuff,such as wood, Concrete;marble;color is easy to diffues ,please take care.

In case the chine-brick is dyed by it, you can rinse with the bleaching agent.

In case the cloth is dyed by it, you can rinse with washing powder.Don't use outside the bathroom,please.

When it is dry and will become sticky,you can add some water.

The packing label may be dyed bysoap, while there is no quality problem. Please put it on blister when open.

Please don,t use the demaged & out of shape blister in case an accident happens."

Bless.

Movie Review: Casino Royale

Yes, I actually left the house. Bizarre I know.

So last night I saw Casino Royale - my first ever experience with a complete James Bond movie. I know all the pop-culture bits out of the Bond movies, but I had never sat through a whole one.

And I must say, I loved it! I was a bit ambivalent about Daniel Craig before I saw him, but now I am in love!! He played Bond as much more flawed than previous Bonds, and it makes him seem more human, less super-hero. And My GOD that man is sexy.

The action was fantastic - one of the first scenes was a fantastic action sequence that went for probably 10 minutes and was filled with breath-taking stunts - running up the side of a construction site, jumping from beam to beam, hundreds of feet off the ground. It looked really cool.

The Bond car was devine - the gadgets included his own defibrilator - everyone should have one!!

All the elements were present for a good Bond film - sexual tension, groovy action sequences, smart dialogue and cool gadgets.

The only time I was disappointed was towards the end, when the editor decided to let the work experience person do the editing - I suspect that it was meant to show changes over a period of time, but it just looked sloppy, as Bond would be kissing a girl wearing a plain green dress, and then she is wearing a floral dress, and then the location changed, all without any explaination.

But just as I was thinking it was all going to fizzle in the end, I was blown away once more, with the very end leaving me on an enormous high.

I really loved this movie and I thoroughly recommend it!!

Weeeeee......

Don't you love it when you solve a problem!

About two months ago the &*^#ing firewall here at work decided to block me from making blog entries - I could view my blog, but not make an entry.

Well I just found a way that lets me in!

Yay-arama!

We're a funny bunch.

I have been thinking about nicknames recently. I don't know if it is an Aussie thing, or just a Lydia thing, but I have been thinking about pets and how we do not just give them names, but inevitably they get nicknames as well.

Now I know I have more pets than the rest of Melbourne put together, but let's just take a look at some of the names and nicknames in my house...

Cara - Full name Caramia, as in what Gomez calls Morticia. Registered name: Yotclub Calamity. Nicknames: Cuzz, Curraburra, Carbar, Carbunkle, Burra, Buzz, Houdini, Fuckhead.

Womble - Full name: Persephone Jane. Registered Name: Yotclub Cici

Nicknames: Womble (after I decided she looked like a womble), Womblina, Blina, Wom, Bleen.

Cordelia - Registered Name: Calpurnia Cordelia

Nicknames - Cordy, Deely, Fucking Cordelia, Bastard Face (the last two are often used as a pair ie "guess what Fucking Cordelia Bastard Face did").

Delilah - Registered Name: Calpurnia Delilah

Nicknames: Dee Dee, Delly Belly, Delly da Bell, Belly, Incontinentia.

Xena - Fullname: Xena Warrior Poodle

Nicknmes: Xeen, Xeeny, X Factor, Goober, Goobs, Pussycat dog.

Elvira - Fullname: Elvira Poodle of Darkness

Nicknames: LV, Bee Bee, Bee bee da bub, Bubba,

Rita - Registered Name: Calpurnia Rita Hayworth

Nicknames: Reet-reet, Rita the retard, ree-ree, Baby

Timmy - Registered Name: Calpurnia Tiny Tim

Nicknames: Timson, Mima, Mimi, Mim, Mista Tim.

Isis - Registered Name: Redsonnet Redrobin

Nicknames: I, I-woo, I-poo, I-pood, Icy woo, Icy.

Jedda - Registered Name: Yotclub Jedda at Midnight

Nicknames: Jed, Jebba, Jebediah Spingfield, Hans Sprungfeld

Max - Registered Name: Calpurnia Max Power

Nicknames: Maximus, Maxi-mouse, Maxi-moose, Aurilius Maximus, Naughtius Maximus, Max Power, Moose.

Daphne - Registered Name: Calpurnia Daphne Moon

Nicknames: Daffles, Daphne Boo, Boo, Daffleberry, Berryboo, Miss Moon, Destructo Twin.

Niles - Registered Name: Calpurnia Niles Crane

Nicknames: Smilesy Nilesy, Nilesy boy, Destructo Twin.

And I wonder why they don't come when I call them....

(They all also get their own songs, but I will discuss them in another post!)

Party Plan Hell

About two years ago Sarah began a cycle of party plan type thingies - you know Tupperware, Undercover Wear, Lorraine Lea Linen, Giftware, Scrapbooking, Aromatherapy. I could seriously go on and on.

Well because I am a doofus with a soft spot for buying crap, I got caught up in all this, booking parties of my own and acquiring large amounts of unneccesary, overpriced, crap.

The major problem with these parties is you agree to buy more than you can reasonably afford, because the chicky says "it's ok, there's six weeks to pay". So even though I struggle from pay to pay, I agree to buy $300 worth of linen because I don't have to come up with the money for six weeks.

So of course as part of this, I had my own linen party. The money was meant to be in on the 10th of November. I had my money on the 10th of November. No one else did. I now do not have my money, and I only have about half of every one elses. I somehow have to get the order in asap, if for no other reason than I really want my new wool doona, just in time for summer.

God my life is weird.

Boys Beware

I'm not really sure whether to laugh or cry.

Post Exam Euphoria

I had my first exam this morning and now I am trapped in a daze of post exam euphoria - either that or the red bull I drank had some extra speed in it.

It was my first exam for Charles Sturt, so it was my first time at the exam venue. The place I had to go was an Anglican church in Wandin, which is about 25 minutes from me - this makes a pleasant change from when I was studying at Monash and I had to go to Caulfield racecourse for my exams. The invigilators were very cute - a couple in their late 70's with the appropriate surname of Goodluck. They were devine "do you want a cup of tea? are you sure?". There was only one other person so it was all very personal and relaxed - much different to the exams I am used to!

The exam itself was fine - this was the Police studies exam, and it was pretty similar to the past exam I got from the Uni website, so I am not really concerned about it at all. Next week's one might very well be a doozy though - we have been receiving new study materials as recently as yesterday, when the exam is in 8 days and the lecturer seems very nit-picky on the discussion forum. She has said that she will be marking the exams and that she will be taking into account when the modules were sent out, but even that doesn't fill me with overwhelming confidence. I am normally much more relaxed about exams than about essays, but I think this one might get to me.

Oh well, 7 days to study, which also means 7 days to procrastinate about studying and 7 days to panic.

Let's roll!

My Psyche is very weird

I often have very bizarre, vivid dreams. The one this morning was a good example.
I dreamt that I was having triplets, which I gave birth to one night after work, and then just went back to work the next day. One of the triplets was stolen by a nurse in the hospital, but I decided to not worry about it, as two babies was enough anyway! I called them Tom and Grace and they were the same as Rohan (who is six months old). I remember that I left one with their father for the day, and one with Granny while I went to work. It all seemed so real - to the point where I had that "oh it was only a dream" thought when I woke up.

Dreaming about babies, as far as I know, is usually about starting something new in your life. Maybe I'm starting two things new! Or maybe my psyche is just fucked.

R.I.P Belinda

Belinda Emmett died today. Perhaps best known as the wife of Rove McManus, she was a very good actress and always seemed like a nice person. She was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was only 24, which although it initially responded to treatment, returned as secondary cancer in her bones. Once you have a secondary cancer, you're pretty much screwed.

She was only 32, same age as me.

Rest in Peace Belinda. Stay strong Rove, we are all here for you.

Have you ever wondered.....

What you would look like if you were on Southpark? No me either, but this website lets you find out anyway!

I think I like my South Park me more than the real one!

Mel Gibson, Halloween's Scariest Monster

This is Gallery of the Absurd's take on the scariest tabloid monster of the year.

Check it out here.

Amy and Emma's Birthday Sensation

Well Saturday night was my cousins' Amy and Emma's birthday party. Much fun and merriment was had by most. One of the best parts of the night was that most of the Marks cousins were there - only Rhys, who is only 5, wasn't there. Here is some picture evidence:

A strip of pics as designed by Patrick.

A bigger version of the top pic. L to R it is Patrick, Greta, Emma (FEMBOTanist), Amy (A. Lew) and Me. The theme was "fake tan" - as you can see Greta, Patrick and I didn't go in theme!!

Our "emo" pic.
How I felt yesterday.